Just Deserts

      I answered the phone and my girlfriend Kay was on the other end.

     “Hi. Joanna and I are thinking about going out and having some dinner and a couple of drinks at the Lost Dutchman, would you like to go with us?”

     I was living in a duplex with my younger sister and her three year old son. My boyfriend had just moved to Southern California to go to work for the railroad and I was waiting until he went through his training in Dunsmuir before I moved down to join him. A night away from my sister and her kid sounded like fun.

     “Sure. What time?”

     “Joanna is coming over at four and I’m going to cut her hair which will only take about half an hour. Come over whenever you want to. We will probably be ready to leave the house by five thirty or six.”

      Kay used to be a hair dresser before her husband was killed in a car wreck by an insane guy who crossed the centerline and hit Ray and Kay in attempt to commit suicide. Of course he was barely hurt and the steering wheel crushed Ray’s chest and he died the next day and Kay broke her pelvis. She bought herself a baby blue firebird six months later after her body had recovered enough from the accident she could drive again.

    Kay had always been small, small boned and small busted, and after she was back on her feet again she decided to have breast augmentations to give herself a much needed ego boost, at least that’s what she told me. Ray had been the love of her life and she was totally crushed when she lost him. She wasn’t healed yet but she was determined to move forward for her daughter’s sake. Her sister Joanna was going through a divorce and was in an anti-man frame of mind. We just wanted to go out and have a girl’s night out with just us girls.

     “That sounds good. I’ll be over before five.”

      Kay only lived about ten minutes from my house and the restaurant and bar we were going to was only ten minutes away from Kay’s. We hadn’t seen each other for a couple of months. Joanna and I both worked full time and our two days off weren’t the same very often. Kay was still recovering from the accident and had her six year old daughter to take care of. Her name was Keila.

      I went over to the house and when I got there Kay was just finishing up Joanna’s hair. Their youngest sister, Ronda was already over there so she could watch Keila while we went out.

      I wore black jeans and a silk blouse and Kay and Joanna also wore jeans along with brightly colored tops. We weren’t dressed to impress, we just to look acceptable, we each had our own reasons for not wanting to draw attention to ourselves.

     It was a Saturday night and we got were there early enough that we were able to get a parking spot in the second row in the lot across the street. The small restaurant was already full so we ate at a table in the bar. That was fine with us. We had a lot of catching up to do with each other’s lives.

     We treated ourselves to steak and lobster. We almost never went out so this was a big event. I was the youngest person at 24, Kay was 28 and Joanna was 26. Kay and I were both about the same height, and after her surgery we both had about the same figures, 110 pounds with curves, I was a blonde and she was a brunette. Joanna was tall and leggy with beautiful dark blonde hair, I think it was bottle blonde but who cared. We were all pretty attractive women.

    There was a local band playing at the bar that night and we knew the gal that was the lead singer as well as the lead guitar player. They were really good and we were looking forward to hearing them play.

     The band played good rock and roll cover songs, the year was 1980 and they specialized in rock and roll from bands like the Hollies, Bad Company, Boston and Aerosmith. We were so busy talking and visiting with each other we hadn’t noticed that several guys had sat down at a large table next to us and were loudly trying to get themselves noticed. Since we weren’t there to pick up guys we didn’t pay much attention to them. They finally started asking us to dance with them and we kept turning them down telling them we were just there to visit and listen to the music.

     They were not taking no for an answer very well and kept on bugging us. A couple friends of the band, who were also friends of ours, came over to our table and visited a little while and they talked us into dancing with them. We did. After we did that the guys who had been sitting next to us, who had kept bugging us to dance, were getting even more aggressive. They thought we were dissing them because we danced with our friends and wouldn’t dance with them.

     Finally, just to get them to leave us alone, we agreed to dance to a couple of songs with several of them. We did and it was fun but though we said that was all we were interested in doing they started to get even more obnoxious. They were insulted because we weren’t interested in them.

     We had been at the bar long enough we decided to just leave to get away from the constant verbal harassment we were getting. It seemed easier to just leave. We hadn’t been successful in making them understand we weren’t there to pick up guys so it was better just to go home.

    We walked across the street and got in Kay’s firebird. She was driving and I was in the passenger seat and Joanna got in the back seat.

      Just after she started up the car Kay looked in the rear view mirror.

     “What the hell?” She said and I looked behind her car and a big four wheel drive truck was parked right behind her. Two of the guys who had been harassing us got out of the truck and started walking over to her side of the car. Her window was down. One of the guys stood next to the back of the car and the other one reached in the window and tried to put his hand on Kay’s hair. She had automatic windows, I know all cars have them now, but in 1979 this was one of the first cars any of my friends had with automatic windows. Kay was fast on the control because she had the window zipping up just to catch his arm at the elbow.

    “Ouch, you have my arm in the window!” The man yelled.

    “No shit, pull it out and I’ll open it.” Kay responded.

     As he did as she told him she barely lowered it and quickly raised it back up. We looked all around and the only way to get out of there was to back up until she was up against their truck and then turn the wheel sharply and drive over the front curb.   

     Fortunately the car on the other side of the parking place had already left so there was a space to go to so she quickly backed up “You ran over my foot,” the guy who was standing by the rear of the car yelled and then she shifted into a forward gear.

     “Then you should move.” We all yelled at him simultaneously.

      Kay revved her car up enough to get it to hop up the front curb and then she raced out of the parking lot while the assholes all loaded up into the truck and whatever other vehicle they had there. Kay flew around the corner where she quickly headed for the police station that was only a couple of blocks away.

     Apparently, and not surprisingly, they took a while to get moving so after we sat there for ten minutes she cautiously took a back route back to her house and parked in the garage.

     We ran in to the house and kept looking out the window for a while to see if they had managed to follow us. They hadn’t. She lived off the main road so the odds that the creeps would find us were very slim.

     I couldn’t believe those jerks. We tried to be nice and dance with them after they had such a fit because we danced a couple of times with our friends. Then they wouldn’t take no for an answer. We weren’t teasing them in any way. We weren’t there to pick anyone up, only to have a good time.

     Joanna and I spent the night in Kay’s spare room and the next morning we got up and made breakfast and sat around visiting with Ronda drinking coffee.

     There was a knock at the door and Keila answered it.

    “Mom, there is a policeman here.”

     Kay went to the door.

    “Is this your firebird parked in the driveway?”

    “Yes.”

    “We got a complaint last night that It was involved in a hit and run accident.”

    “You’ve got to be kidding.” Kay answered him.

     “Early this morning a man reported your car hit his truck and drove off and he gave your license plate number.”

     “Are you referring to the jerk at the bar last night? Yeah I hit him, after he and his buddies tried to block me from leaving. Come in the house and I’ll tell you what really happened, I have two witnesses that were with me last night.” Kay was pissed off.

    The policeman came in the house and took Joanna and my statements. We could tell he believed us. After we were done telling him what really happened he inquired if we wanted to press charges.

     “It sounds like you should be charging him for this incident. Do you want to?”

     “No. We looked at the car last night and I hit him with my bumper and I can’t see any damage. If he wants to report a hit and run we will report a physical attack and possibly an attempted rape, but only if we have to.”

    “Well that sounds like that might have been a possibility. I am going to go visit the man who called this in and if he doesn’t drop the charges I will be back in touch with you. I have a feeling he will after I tell him what you three women have told me. You should have gone into the police station last night and reported him.”

     “Unlike these creeps, we didn’t want to do anything but go home.”

     “I understand that but if they had chased you down something much worse could have happened. Also they might do it to someone else.” This was the earnest response of the policeman.

    “That’s why we waited at the station long enough that we felt like they didn’t follow us. It never occurred to us they took our license plate number down while they were so busy harassing us. It was a good thing it was late at night and they couldn’t get ahold of anyone to track down the license number.”

    “I want all three of you to sign a short statement of what happened and I will talk to the man who called in the hit and run and tell him you have charged him with harassment and I am pretty sure that will be the end of this.” The officer was getting pretty worked up over the false crime he had been sent there to investigate.

    He left and it sure was a good thing this happened back before the computer era or we might have had to worry about those creeps tracking us down. That was the end of this episode but I have come to think of it as a very lucky break for the three of us that Kay was able to get away in her car. I have no doubt something worse could have happened had we not have managed to get out of that parking lot.

     We hoped the men got a scare in being told that they were going to be prosecuted for harassing us women but it was a real and scary situation that fortunately didn’t have a bad ending. Those guys got what they deserved by way of the policeman telling them we were going to prosecute for harassment but the ending could have been a lot worse. 

Buffalo Breasts With Pasta

2 Chicken breasts, halved, boned and skinned

2 cloves garlic, minced

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 tablespoon butter

3 tablespoons red pepper sauce of your choice

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon black pepper freshly ground

2 cups pasta, cooked

8 ounces blue cheese, crumbled

2 ounces cream cheese

1 tablespoon capers

In a sauté pan heat olive oil and butter and add garlic and diced chicken breasts. Season with salt and pepper and when chicken is sizzling add the hot pepper sauce. Start pan with 4 cups of water and bring to a boil at the same time you start heating the oil and butter and when the chicken goes into the sauté pan add the pasta to the boiling water and cook according to package directions. After chicken and noodles are done remove noodles from water and place in a bowl. Add the sautéed chicken breast pieces and stir together with the pasta and cream cheese. Top with crumbled blue cheese and capers. Simple and tasty and add extra hot sauce if desired.

Buffalo Blue Cheese Soufflé

(serves 4 )

1/2 pound blue cheese crumbles

1/2 pound Pepper Jack cheese, grated

1 pound cheddar cheese, grated

1 cup cooked and diced chicken breasts

2 tablespoons diced chipotle chili peppers canned in adobo sauce

1 tablespoon red pepper sauce, Frank’s or other brand

4 eggs, separated

2/3 cup cream or evaporated milk

1 tablespoon flour

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

Preheat oven to 325. In a buttered 2 quart casserole dish spread cheeses, chicken and chilies. In a bowl beat egg whites until stiff peaks form. In another bowl mix together egg yolks, milk, flour, salt, pepper and red pepper sauce. Fold in egg whites and pour this mixture over the top of the cheeses, chicken and chilies. Gently mix this together with a fork and bake at 325 for about an hour, or until soufflé is set and a knife inserted comes out clean. 

What Can You Get With A $1 Tip?

     The doorbell rang and when Sherrie opened the front door a tall and beautiful brunette was standing there.

     “Hi Amber come in the house.” Sherrie was petite compared to her visitor although she was a beautiful buxom blonde.

     “What are you up to this afternoon?” Sherrie inquired of her visitor.

     “Carrie, Tessa and I are going to the Gateway Tavern tonight to see some male strippers. Terri Purdy was going to come with us but she got sick. She was going to bring us some party favors. What are you doing tonight?” Amber sat down on the couch.

     “I was just going to watch television and wash some laundry.” Sherrie answered.

     “That means you aren’t doing anything. I already bought the tickets because they said the show was going to sell out and it did. I have Terri’s ticket and it’s yours if you want it.” Amber was being very persuasive.

     “Where did you say the show is and what time?” Sherrie was mildly interested. “I haven’t ever been to a stripper show before.”

     “They are a lot of fun. It’s at the Gateway in Springfield at ten. You have plenty of time to get ready. We are all going to meet there at nine so we can get a good table. They are going to have a pretty good band playing there before the show and afterwards as well.”

     “Alright, it sounds like fun. I’ll meet you there at nine. That gives me a couple of hours to take a shower and get ready.”

     “Cool. I am going to go over and get the goodies from Terri she got for us to take to the show. There will be enough for you if you want some. Well I better get going.” Amber got up and went to the door.

    “See you later.” Sherrie walked her to the door and then started getting ready to go out.

     Two hours later Sherrie pulled up in the parking lot. Amber was right, the place was packed with cars though she figured everyone probably each drove their own car there just like the three girls she was meeting. Sherrie was dressed in skinny tight black Calvin Klein jeans, a low cut black sequined top and short black suede leather boots. Classy, casual and comfortable was her idea of the perfect outfit.  She scanned the floor and there were guys out there dancing with the women, though there were overwhelmingly more women than men. As she was looking at the dancers she felt a hand on her elbow and when she looked it was Amber and she pointed towards a booth next to the dance floor and led her over to it.

     The booth was perfectly located near the stage and right next to the dance area. The other two girls were already seated there. They were all about ten years older than Sherrie. She had met them through the brother of Amber’s husband at a party about a year ago and they had been doing things together occasionally ever since then.

     “Hi girls! You snagged a good location here. I have never been to one of these shows before!” Sherrie sat on the outside seat that was open.

     “You are in for a treat. I saw these same guys here a couple of months ago and it was a lot of fun,” Tessa filled Sherrie in on what was going to happen. “There is a really hot Hawaiian guy who comes out dressed like a fireman and another guy who looks just like Tom Selleck. There are five guys and they all dress as different characters and dance and strip to rock songs.”

     “If you want them to come close, or get them to dance at your table you need to have one dollar bills to tip them with.” Carrie added.

     “I don’t have any ones. Besides that I didn’t come here to meet anyone. You guys are all married aren’t you?” Sherrie inquired of the group.

     “We are. That’s why you should meet them and tell us all about it.” Amber laughingly added.

     “I’m just here to look like the rest of you. I am surprised there are so many guys here.”

     “They will kick them out when the show gets ready to start and then let them come back in to dance to the band when the show is over. At least that’s what they did last time.” Just then there was an announcement from the stage that it was time for the guys to go next door to the bar which was going to be closed off for the strip show. The band also left the stage but they left their equipment set up but it was set off to the back and a curtain closed around the instruments left on the stage. Another curtain enclosed the rest of the stage and tables and chairs were quickly set up on the dance floor for the women left on it to sit at.

     Then sirens go off and a guy dressed in a police uniform comes out onto the stage.  “Hello Ladies! How are you all doing tonight? I would like to tell you some of the rules. First you cannot touch. You can put bills in their g strings but don’t touch the merchandise. We are all from Southern Oregon and I my name is Tyler and I hope you ladies enjoy the show.” Then the song “Jump” started blasting out and Tyler did his strip show on the stage. The next young man started walking around the room walking among the tables that were surrounding the edge of the dance floor.

     Sherrie had seen the Chippendale dancers on television once before and it was obvious these guys were not professionals but they were nice looking and working hard to be very entertaining. They were using the men’s bathroom as a dressing room so when the ladies went to the bathroom they would walk by the men as they were standing behind the stage waiting for their turn to dance. Sherrie thought a couple of them were pretty hot as she stole an appreciative glance while walking by. The dancers were also checking the women out as well.

     The hottest guy was the man who was several inches over six foot and was pretty close to a dead ringer for Tom Selleck. He started his first number dressed as Indiana Jones and he worked the dance floor between the tables and chairs set in the middle of it to the booths spread around the edges. Women were shoving dollar bills in his thong and plenty of them were trying to steal a feel of his biceps and abs. He looked to be a little older than the rest of the guys.

     When the Hawaiian fireman came out Tessa went nuts. She was gesturing at him trying to get him to come over. “Sherrie, since you are on the outside will take one of these dollars and see if you can get him to come over to our table?” Sherrie tried to do her friend a favor by holding a bill out to get his attention. She was successful and when he came over and started dancing in front of her she handed the bill back to Tessa so she could have the thrill of giving him the bill.

     The Tom Selleck clone came out again this time he started out dressed in a white tux and as he worked his way around the room he was wearing nothing but a thong. He eventually got to Sherrie’s table and he proceeded to do a dance right in front of Sherrie so Amber slipped her a bill to reward him with. She did and he leaned down and whispered to her “Can I come and sit at your table after the show?” She was surprised and nodded yes. He danced off to perform his way off the floor.

     “What did he say to you?” All three girls were inquiring.

     “He asked if could sit with us after the show.”

     “Cool. I hope he brings a friend. We’re lucky we brought you tonight.”

     The show ended after about an hour and a half. The girls were buzzing with excitement thinking about the stripper coming over to their table after the show. They opened the bar up to the men again and the band came back out and started playing.  After twenty minutes the man came out and came over to their table. They all moved over so he could sit next to Sherrie at the booth. 

     “Hi, my name is Don.”

     “I’m Sherrie and this is Tessa, Amber and Carrie.”

     “It’s nice to meet you.”

     “Can you get the Hawaiian guy to come over here to visit too?” Tessa blurted out.

     “Sure, he’s pretty shy but when he comes out I will have him come over.”

     “Why did you pick our table to visit with?” Sherrie asked Don.

     “It wasn’t the table, it was because of you. I think you are cute and you were the only one not trying to stick your hands down my pants.” He replied.

      Sherrie started laughing. “You’re kidding right?”

     “Unfortunately I’m not. You wouldn’t believe all the things women stick inside my thong. I get joints, a lot of phone numbers along with money of course. It gets kind of weird sometimes. Would you like to dance?”

     “Sure.” They went out on the dance floor and afterwards they went to a small table to visit. He told her that he had just started doing the strip shows a few months ago.

      “I just do it for a little extra money on the side and to have a good time. I went to work for the Three M Corporation when I was eighteen and I married my high school sweetheart a year later. I was a youth pastor at the church in the small town outside of Medford that we lived in. My wife had two children within a couple of years and they are now teenagers. I started working as a river guide on the weekends for a little extra money and it’s something I have always liked to do. My kids are thirteen and fifteen years old and last year I caught my wife having an affair with our neighbor and so now I’m divorced. I quit the church and started going out to bars and doing all the things I never did before since I got married so young. I ran into this group of guys that were doing this strip show so I started doing it just for fun. I don’t know how long I am going to do it but I am enjoying it for now. This is only the second show I’ve done with this many people. Usually we just do our shows at small bars in the small towns near where we all live.”

     Sherrie and Don spent the evening dancing and visiting at the bar and then since he was staying at a motel she invited him to come over to her house and they visited all night and he left with her phone number and promised to call her.

     The next day, which was Monday, Sherrie went to her job she had just started a few months before. Her nineteen year old assistant was really excited to hear about her twenty six year old supervisor’s adventure with a male stripper. Later on that afternoon Darcy answered the phone and put it on hold and announced to Sherrie:

     “It’s Don on the phone.”

      She was a little surprised he called her that quickly. “Hello.”

     “Hi. I told you I would call you. I would really like to see you again. What are you doing this weekend? Since it is Memorial Day I have four days off from work.”

     “I would love to see you again. Would you like to come up and stay with me? My roommate is going camping so I will have the house to myself.”

     “Sure. I will call you Friday and you can give me directions to your house.”

      “That will be great, bye.” 

     Don drove up to Eugene from the town he lived in and they spent the holiday going out to dinner and going out on the river with a friend of hers who had boat he took them out on. Don said he really enjoyed going fishing when someone else ran the boat because as a guide he was usually the one running the boat.

    On the next weekend Sherrie drove down to him place and he took her to his stripper practice and then to a baseball game he played in. They started visiting each other every other weekend and she moved in with him after six months and within year they were married. The year was 1984 and fifteen years later Sherrie and Don are still married and he is a full time river guide with his own business. It was her one and only experience with a stripper and his only brief time being one. It turned out to be the best value she ever got for a dollar tip.